Do you have to care about other people’s feelings?

This past week I had the honor of working and learning with a group of highly committed, mission-driven nonprofit CEOs. And in the middle of our conversation one expressed aloud a view that many people hold. “Worrying about other people’s feelings is exhausting.”

Absolutely true.

So, as a leader, do you have to worry about other people’s feelings? Nope. For lots of reasons.

1. Worrying about other people’s feelings won’t change those feelings.

2. This will sap your energy but do little to help them or improve outcomes.

3. You can’t make people feel – or stop feeling – anything.

What do you have to do as a leader when people have big feelings? Acknowledge them.

Don’t correct their feelings or explain them away or punish them or even try to fix them (you can’t anyway). Just notice. Show you’re paying attention and that their experience matters to you. That doesn’t mean you promise to change expectations or workload, doing that may or may not be best in that situation. It simply means that they are actually in a supportive, connected environment.

If you can express that you notice their feelings and care about their experience and they are STILL looking for solutions? Ask them for suggestions. Not just one suggestion, mind you, but two or three. Ask “What are three possible ways to improve this situation?”

Now you’ve given more connection and you’re engaging them in problem solving.

When do you struggle with other people’s emotions? Hit reply and tell me. Let’s figure out a way for those people to know they’re connected without decreasing your resilience.

All my best,

Dr. G