Gulp. The 3 year old walked in on us.

What do you do when your 3 year old walks in to mommy and daddy's room when they are engaged in some personal time? What would be a good answer to "are you hurting her?"

Zev, in Israel

A: The quick answer is: “No.” Even better if Mommy can answer, a smile in her voice, in a calm way. “No, honey, we’re playing.” Then switch the topic to your son and his needs, after all there is probably a reason he woke up and came into your room in the first place. If you take the drama out of the situation (don’t shout, order him out angrily) and just turn the focus on him, he will almost certainly drop it at this age.

Don’t try to hustle him out and get back to what you were doing right away. First off, you need to actually address whatever your child needed or you’re going to get interrupted again in a minute. Also, women’s sexual interest peaks in their brain. If her brain is distracted by something, she is usually going to need a little time to regroup. This regrouping will happen faster if one of you first attends to the child and gets him back to bed.

An underlying question here is what to tell a preschooler who witnesses sex when she asks “What are you doing?” Simple, direct but not very explicit answers are best for most preschoolers.  “Hugging.”  “Playing.”  “Being together.” What does your child do when she sees you shave or cook? She imitates. You may find her imitating this behavior as well, so don't be too specific about what goes where quite yet.

This is a good age to start teaching kids that they may not enter a closed door without knocking.

Also, lock your door. Your child won’t always be three.